


Adrift

by lillykins



Series: Adrift [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Additional warnings in every chapter, Adulting sucks, Eventual Happy Ending, Fools in Love, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Life Lessons, M/M, Pining, Seung-gil’s father is a bad man, Smut will be well marked and easy to skip, but it ends up ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-07-21 03:15:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillykins/pseuds/lillykins
Summary: Yuri sighed again but this time it wasn’t attitude, it was defeat. His usual attitude wasn’t going to work so he went for something new, honesty. “Sometimes bad things happen to people and sometimes other people notice.” Yuri relaxed against the wall next to Seung-gil and stared out at the crowd of laughing, dancing people. “I noticed and no matter how much I want people to think I don’t care, I can’t walk away from you right now.”





	1. It began with Vodka

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring amazing art by greygerbil
> 
> Featuring a fantastic beta job by AshiiBlack
> 
> Thank you everyone for your support.
> 
> *This chapter includes a brief reference to thoughts of suicide and mentions of homophobia.*

“Shouldn’t you be off making out with someone inappropriate?” Seung-gil jumped when Yuri sat down next to him. Earlier that day Seung-gil had gotten the silver medal at the Worlds competition. The stuffy banquet was over and everyone had gone up to Victor and Yuuri’s suite of rooms. The party was raging around Seung-gil and he should have been out in the thing if it. This was his after party too. But, he looked so pathetic and out of place, hiding in the corner drinking alone. It was so absolutely unlike him and Yuri just couldn't let it go.

“You offering?” Seung-gil said in a flat voice. He looked away from Yuri and sorted. He sounded like the world was coming apart around him and he didn’t know what to do to keep himself safe. Seung-gil sounded broken. He _looked_ broken too. His skin was sallow and his eyes were dull with something other than drink. He looked ready to shake apart at the seams.

“I wouldn’t say no, but seriously, what’s wrong with you? You are usually out there dancing and making a fool of yourself by this point. There has to be something wrong.” Seriously wrong.

Seung-gil frowned and finally looked at Yuri again. “There’s a lot of things that are wrong. What does it matter to you?” He spoke with the extreme care that comes with a bit too much drink.

“It's not right, you sitting over here like this.” Yuri could feel himself frowning. He did not like being confused and Seung-gil was not helping with the situation.

Seung-gil snorted again and waved his bottle in Yuri’s face. “It still doesn’t matter to you.”

“Fuck's sake, is that what people really think of me?” Yuri reached out and grabbed the bottle. “How much of this have you had anyway?”

The bottle was half filled with amber liquid and it smelled vile. All alcohol was vile but so was Yuri. Besides, this horse piss would clearly get the job done, if Seung-gil was anything to go by. Yuri took an overly large gulp and instantly regretted it as he coughed and fought for breath.

His reaction got an actual laugh out of Seung-gil.

“You could at least drink vodka, not this foul shit, asshole.”

Seung-gil shrugged and took the bottle back from Yuri. “It’s what they had and it really doesn’t matter. Drunk is drunk”

“Which brings me back to: why exactly did you feel the need to get this kind of drunk tonight?” Not knowing was burning a hole in Yuri and he decided right then that he needed to know, even if it was going to suck.

Seung-gil sighed and rolled his eyes in a fair imitation of Yuri’s usual disdain. “Which brings me back to: why exactly do you care?”

Yeah, this was going to suck.

Yuri sighed again but this time it wasn’t attitude, it was defeat. His usual attitude wasn’t going to work so he went for something new, honesty. “Sometimes bad things happen to people and sometimes other people notice.” Yuri relaxed against the wall and stared out at the crowd of laughing, dancing people. “I noticed and no matter how much I want people to think I don’t care, I can’t walk away from you right now.”

Seung-gil snorted again and it had the same humorless, dead quality as before. “I’m not an obligation, or a joke.”

Yuri’s attitude returned in full force. “No, you are not an obligation and I’m not fucking around with you. I’m not an asshole.” Seung-gil looked at Yuri sharply because that was a lie and they both knew it. “Ok, I am an asshole but I’m not _that kind of asshole_.”

That got a nod and a small smile. Just a tiny upturn in the corners of Seung-gil’s mouth, like he was unsure if agreeing would get a laugh or a smack. “You are an asshole, just enough of one that I know you won’t drop this. Even though I really, really want you to.”

“Fucking right I'm not going to. Just give it up and tell me what's going on.”

Seung-gil settled himself back against the wall and trailed his fingers up and down the bottle. He was gathering his thoughts and Yuri was going to wait him out.

“When I was sitting in the lobby earlier Sara and Mila were there. They weren't talking about anything important, just about their costumes next season. They weren't even being really that loud but I couldn't help but listen in. It was so nice to hear them and by the way they were talking next season's going to be amazing. They're such good friends.”

The random nature of the story made Yuri feel like they were having two different conversations but the way Seung-gil said the last line made him really think about what he was hearing.

“Is this about friendship or about next season?”

Seung-gil hunched his shoulders in further, almost as though he was trying to protect himself from Yuri’s question. “Yes,” he said so quietly that Yuri had to strain to hear him.

Yuri frowned again. “That's not actually an answer.” Whatever was bothering Seung-gil went much deeper than Yuri originally thought.

Seung-gil looked around the room and frowned back at Yuri. “I don’t want to talk about it here.”

Yuri followed Seung-gil’s gaze around the room. Fair enough. This was nowhere near a good place for a serious conversation. The music was blasting loud enough to rattle his teeth and everyone there was more than halfway to drunk. It was a typical after party, where everyone was supposed to be happy.

“You know, I have some real vodka in my room, not this horse piss that you are drinking.”

Seung-gil looked around him again and then back at Yuri. “You really aren’t going to let this go, are you?”

“No.” Yuri scoffed, glad for once that his reputation precedes him. It made it much easier to get Seung-gil to agree when he already knew how stubborn Yuri could be. Seung-gil needed a friend tonight and Yuri volunteered himself.

“Fine.” Seung-gil looked like a man being led to his execution but, resigned to his fate and unwilling to fight. “But you are going to have to share, too. I’ll be damned if If I spill my guts to you without something to hold over you later.”

\---

The walk to Yuri’s hotel room was both excruciatingly awkward and mercifully short. Seung-gil was nervous for what was to come. Yuri was an unknown quantity and Seung-gil usually liked to make plans. This was not possible with such an unknown situation. On the other hand, Yuri could very easily have walked away when he found out that Seung-gil was in such a bad mood. He could have just ignored Seung-gil entirely, but, he stayed and made the effort to talk Seung-gil into joining him. It was worth knowing, just from that, what Yuri had planned.

After trying the lock three times, Yuri finally fumbled the door open. He pushed it hard enough to slam against the wall behind him and whispered a curse in a drunken approximation of quiet.

Three steps into the room he kicked off his shoes and left them where they lay in the entrance. The explosive entrance suited Yuri. Contradiction swam through his actions. On the surface he seemed uncaring, but he still stopped to take off his shoes, no matter how haphazardly, it was accomplished.

Seung-gil took the time to take of his shoes properly and lined them up next to Yuri’s sad approximation of propriety.

Yuri was curled up on one end of the loveseat, with his legs curled under him when Seung-gil entered the room proper. He had a handle of vodka sitting on his lap. “This’ll taste way better.” He took a large gulp straight out of the bottle and smacked his lips in pleasure. “Way better.” He sighed happily.

Seung-gil shrugged and took the bottle from Yuri. It wouldn’t hurt to have more. He wasn’t nearly as drunk as he could have been. The vodka tasted like fire and ice and it went down smoothly with the barest hint of danger.

“So, now you have to spill. What’s really bothering you?” Yuri motioned for Seung-gil to take another pull of the bottle and after he did, he sat down next to Yuri and waited for the new infusion of alcohol to hit his system.

Yuri seemed content to wait him out, again at odds with the usual image he portrayed.

“I have to retire.” Seung-gil was finally loose and ready to talk, riding the warm floating feeling of the vodka which had finally pushed him just beyond the point of buzzed. He was so relaxed that Yuri’s explosive reaction caught him off guard.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘I have to retire’?” Yuri looked angry. “You’ve got years left. That’s just wrong.”

This was not the reaction Seung-gil was expecting but, Seung-gil couldn’t help but agree; it was wrong.

Yuri was still yelling.”Stupid and wrong. You have to retire? There’s no reason for that. Unless you hurt yourself. Are you injured?”

“No, I’m not injured. This is something completely different.”

“Well, what then?” Yuri was still red in the face, his internal fierce passion welling up to wet his eyes and shimmer on his lips.

“I did not medal in the Olympics and Father has decided it is time to come home and join the family business.” The fact that he hated the idea with all of his soul was left unsaid..

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You got fourth place.” Yuri’s volume was rising again. “Fourth place in the Olympics. Yesterday you placed second at Worlds.”

Yuri’s arms started to flail as he continued. “You are ranked second in the fucking world and that’s not good enough for him?”

Seung-gil felt his face go blank. “He said I shamed the family and shamed the country because I did not bring home a medal.” He felt the pit drop out of his stomach as the familiar sense of lonely desolation rose up to grip his heart. All he ever wanted was to be praised by his father and nothing he ever did got him what he wanted.

Yuri’s outraged screech jolted him out of his darkness. “Shamed the family? Shamed the fucking country? He didn’t want much from you at all, did he?”

“It is what it is.” There was nothing Seung-gil could really do about it either. His father had given him an ultimatum: Win a medal in the Olympics or come home and join the business. There was no in between as his father would make sure no sponsor in Korea would give Seung-gil money to skate if he did not earn a medal. It was cruel, even for Seung-gil’s father.

“Father has chosen a _bride_ for me.”

“The way you say bride…” Yuri trailed off and looked at Seung-gil expectantly.

“She’s not my type.”

This got a small laugh from Yuri. “Not your type. Is that the only problem with her?”

“Yeah,” Seung-gil laughed a little and teased a woman’s curves in the air. “She’s, her.”

“Oh.” It took a few moments for the new information to sink in.  Seung-gil could see Yuri’s mind work and then finally grasp what he was saying. “Oh.” he said again, quietly this time.

And when Yuri turned to look at him again, it was with an appraising look. There was an intense scrutiny which made Seung-gil feel naked and raw.

Seung-gil shivered under Yuri’s gaze and pressed on, hoping it would distract Yuri from his staring. “Father wants me to go to college, which I really don’t want to do. School is hard and I barely graduated high school.”

Yuri pressed his lips together and smiled wryly. “You too?” He sighed.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s your turn.” Seung-gil took another shot from the bottle and he didn’t even feel the need to wince at the taste.

“Fine. My grandfather died and it sucked.” Yuri deadpanned. “Now let’s go back to this college thing.”

Seung-gil laughed at him. “Hell no.” That was nothing compared to what Seung-gil had told him and if this was to be one for one he would have to do better than that. Seung-gil pointed at Yuri with the vodka and made a demand. “More.”

Yuri winced. “My grandfather died and it sucked _really bad_.” He scrubbed his face with his palms to gather himself before he went on and when he spoke, it was from behind his hands. “I broke down and went into a really dark place. It got to the point where I was thinking it would be better if I ended it all. I was too young for all the responsibilities I had and it felt like I had no one to help me through. I was the only one in the family making money and have been since I was ten. My grandfather hurt himself years ago and my mother is well, my mother. I never did have a father.”

Yuri wiped his face, trying to hide the moisture in his eyes. “Yakov helped me a little but I was still responsible for my family and my schooling, as well as everything for my skating. It was too much already and when my grandfather died, I was completely undone.” Yuri dropped one of his hands and brushed it along his belly. It looked like a nervous habit, something he was unconscious of. “It felt like I couldn’t breathe for weeks. It just hurt. Everything hurt and I didn’t know what to do.”

“But Georgi wouldn’t leave me alone. He knew how I felt but, that’s not my story to tell.” Yuri dropped both hands into his lap and curled his shoulders forward He seemed to get smaller in the chair, reflecting on hidden pain.

“Anyway, Georgi was just there, all the time. He listened to me about everything, no matter how tirate.” Yuri finally looked up, right into Seung-gil’s eyes. “It really helped.”

At first, Seung-gil was surprised by Yuri’s confession but when he thought about it, it made a comforting sort of sense. Yuri was not one to do anything by half measures. Once he was committed to something, he would follow through, no matter how painful.

“You are a lot different than I expected. I don’t know why I thought you would be angry and shallow all the time.”

Yuri leaned forward slightly and squinted at Seung-gil. “I should be offended at that but I think it tried to be a compliment.”

Seung-gil shrugged. “It tried.”

Settling back again, Yuri put on an exaggerated scowl and dramatically crossed his arms. “I guess I’ll take it.” he said loftily.

This pulled a delighted laugh out of Seung-gil. Yuri was _funny_.

“So why act the way you do, then?”

Yuri sobered and pulled a real frown. “It makes them leave me alone.” That was a fair point. Seung-gil did the same thing when he was in public. Though, it seemed easier to just frown all the time.

“You do it too, and for the same reason.” Yuri pointed an accusing finger at Seung-gil. Yikes. Add observant and astute to the growing list of new Yuri traits.

Seung-gil shrugged again. There was no denying the truth. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth because Yuri seemed so satisfied with his pronouncement and the fact that Seung-gil had no reason to refute him.

It was… endearing.

Yuri made a noise deep in the back of his throat. “Ok, new topic. What’s your favorite color?”

“Grey.”

“That’s supposed to be a sign of mental instability, that or you are the most boring person ever.”

Seung-gil snorted. “Or I’m color blind.”

“Or you’re color blind.” Yuri rolled his eyes. “That is kinda boring.”

Again, there was nothing for Seung-gil to say so he stayed quiet until Yuri spoke again. “Mine’s red.”

Noted. Most reds were good colors, and being one of the ones that Seung-gil could see, he wore red often.

Yuri made the impatient noise at the back of his throat again and took another pull from the bottle of vodka. He handed the bottle over to Seung-gil and readjusted himself on the loveseat. Seung-gil noticed distantly that Yuri was much closer now. His legs were spread out in front of him and his shoulder was solid against Seung-gil’s. It wasn’t as invasive as Seung-gil expected it to be, it was comforting. Warm.

“I guess we could talk about our sex life?” It was more of a question than a statement and Seung-gil took what he could get. He suddenly did not want this conversation to end.

“I thought we were trying to find something to talk about that wasn’t depressing?”

“Ouch, that bad?”

Seung-gil sighed “Yeah. I mostly do one night stands, when I’m not in Korea. I can’t really have a relationship.”

“Why not?”

He didn’t really want to tell Yuri his reasons. It was embarrassing.  So, Seung-gil stayed quiet.

Yuri, of course, wasn't having it. He rolled his eyes and threw out his arm to hit Seung-gil lightly on the chest. “We are _sharing_ remember? You may as well just tell me already.”

Seung-gil made an annoyed noise in his throat much like Yuri’s but, Yuri was right. This sharing thing was almost to the point of cathartic.

“My father has a long reach. He always finds out when I’ve done something that he doesn’t approve of. He has people follow me around Korea and people he doesn’t like tend to find reasons to move away.”

“That’s… dark.” Yuri looked like he couldn’t decide how to describe what he was thinking.

“It is what it is. I have four older sisters and they all have perfect husbands, of their own choosing, and happy lives. But I’m the _son_ so I am the one that has to be what Father wanted.” Seung-gil sighed and slumped further down into the loveseat. “He thinks I just play at skating, like it’s a joke, and I will eventually see his way and do what he wants.”

“Seriously?” Seung-gil nodded mutely, not trusting himself to speak.

Yuri opened and closed his mouth a few times and Seung-gil watched in fascination as Yuri’s face turned several different shades of red. It was like watching a storm gathering. The clouds rolling around each other over the ocean, boiling, gathering themselves to strike. He jumped up from the loveseat and stomped once around the room. When he got back within reach, he took another shot of vodka.

“That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.” he started. “You are ranked second in the fucking world and he thinks you are just going to wake up one day and give it all up? You _breathe_ figure skating. You have to or you wouldn’t be at this competition at all.” Yuri slammed the bottle of vodka down on the table and muttered under his breath. “Second  in the fucking world.”

Then, he turned on Seung-gil and shook his finger. “And what? That same morning you woke up and decided not to skate anymore were you supposed to magically like girls too? What an utter asshole. No. An ugly A plus rat bastard fucker that has no right to have children at all.”

Seung-gil felt a thrill of warmth shoot up his spine and lodge itself in his chest. People were always angry with him and it was a completely different feeling to have someone be angry _for_ him.

Yuri was still ranting so Seung-gil pushed his thoughts aside and focused on what Yuri was shouting. “And he just makes people disappear? What kind of controlling, inhumane environment did you…” Yuri stopped dead and turned to Seung-gil, his eyes in surprise understanding. “That happened to you.” His statement was quiet, accusing.

That was something Seung-gil had hoped to avoid. He felt his face tighten and Yuri rolled his eyes. “Remember the rules?” Yuri plopped himself on the loveseat again but this time, he sprawled over Seung-gil and threw his legs over the other arm.

After Yuri was settled to his satisfaction with his head comfortably in Seung-gil’s lap he looked shyly up into Seung-gil’s eyes and asked “Will you tell me about him?” He was quiet, unsure for the first time that evening.

It was nowhere close to a demand but Seung-gil couldn’t find it in himself to say no when Yuri looked like that.

Far be it for him to not bow to the inevitable.

“It was a perfectly normal teen romance. When I was sixteen I was assigned to be partners with him in science class and we ended up studying together even after the project was done.”

“Wait a second. You went to high school _and_ skated?”

Seung-gil nodded to Yuri distractedly, his memories were taking over. “Father said.” was his only explanation and he went on talking over Yuri’s muttered curse.

“One day, we were laughing together and he leaned over and kissed me. Right on the mouth.” Seung-gil laughed a little. “I thought my heart would burst, but it felt so right.”

Yuri smiled a little at that. It was delicate and thoughtful. Looking back on it now, that relationship was somewhat cute and enough to deserve such a sweet smile from Yuri.

“It went on like that for a few months until one day when Father came home from work early. He caught us kissing.”  Seung-gil stopped to take a breath. “The look on his face was cold, dead, and I could feel him hate me.”

Yuri made a noise somewhere between pain and anger but otherwise stayed quiet, waiting for Seung-gil to go on.

“He said ‘This will end and will never happen again.’ That’s all he ever said about it.” Seung-gil had to stop and close his eyes to gather himself back up. This was the first time he had told anyone this story and he felt the pain of it like it was happening all over again.

“When I went to school the next day I found out that he had withdrawn. I went over to his house to find out why and his father told me they were moving across the country. He wouldn’t even let me in the door to say goodbye. I never saw him again.”

Yuri’s face went through several shades of red but rather than exploding like before, Yuri seemed to calm himself with a little shake. It was almost a shiver. “Were you in love with him?” The question sounded broken as if Yuri felt Seung-gil’s pain right along with him.

“I could have been.” Seung-gil whispered back.

Their conversation died out for a while after that. Yuri’s head was still pillowed in Seung-gil’s lap and he was gently kneading Seung-gil’s thigh. Seung-gil sunk into the comfort that Yuri provided. It had been so long since he was touched just to be touched and he wanted to keep this contact for as long as possible.

Seung-gil took his time looking at Yuri, made himself see the man lying across his lap. Objectively, he was very handsome. His sharp cheekbones framed his pert nose well and his lips pouted all on their own. Yuri’s pout was extremely attractive and at odds with the image he gave to the world. Perhaps his perpetual scowl was to mask such a naturally sweet expression. He probably hated it but Seung-gil found himself wanting to reach out and trail his finger along Yuri’s full bottom lip.

He didn’t. He figured he would probably get cut.

Yuri’s hair looked like a better option. It was fanned out across Seung-gil’s lap, golden and glistening like corn tassels waiting to be plucked from the stalk. He took the chance and when he brushed back a soft strand from Yuri’s forehead, he was rewarded with a soft sigh.

He risked it again and brushed Yuri’s scalp with the tips of his fingers. The light groan of pleasure he got was even better than the sigh.

After several minutes of comfortable silence, Seung-gil asked the next logical question. “Have you ever been in love?”

Yuri stopped kneading Seung-gil’s leg and dropped his hand on his tummy. Seung-gil had already figured out that Yuri did this when he was uncomfortable so, whatever Yuri had to say was not going to be pleasant.

“I thought I was in love with Victor.”

“Everyone was a little in love with Victor at some point.” Seung-gil had that phase too. Victor was someone he wanted to be and be with. The unattainable god of figure skating.

Yuri grunted. Seung-gil could see a tiny wave of anger claim Yuri but, it was much more low key this time. “True but you didn’t have to share a locker room with him. He would walk around naked all the time and knowing him, he did it just to mess with everyone. He would get that snarky little smile and tell me that I was just like him.” Yuri sighed again. “But, Victor is Victor. I don’t know what I was expecting. I was fifteen.”

“I was an idealist at fifteen too.” Seung-gil ran his hand down the side of Yuri’s face and across the shell of his ear. His skin was so _soft_.

“Didn’t you have a thing with Altin?”

Yuri made that little angry noise in the back of his throat again and it was starting to become cute. Seung-gil decided that perhaps he had a bit too much to drink. Good thing there was a bottle of water sitting on the end table.

After taking a drink, Seung-gil offered the water to Yuri. He had a few gulps and burrowed right back into Seung-gil’s lap. “No, I had a thing _for_ Otabek. He is painfully oblivious and painfully hetero. I don’t think he even noticed that I liked him.”

“Ouch.” Seung-gil scrunched up his face in sympathy. Everyone had been there before and it always hurt. “Were you in love with him?”

Yuri sighed and pressed his cheek into Seung-gil’s hand. “I really could have been.”

Yuri still had his hand clenched in his shirt, just above his stomach and this time he seemed to notice that Seung-gil was staring at it.

“Just ask about it already.” Yuri hunched his shoulders forward as if to protect himself from the conversation and distractedly ran his fingers over the curve of his stomach yet again.

Seung-gil’s eyes darted away and he struggled to fight the blush that bloomed on his cheeks. “It’s just that you keep touching it and it’s really” Seung-gil trailed off, trying to find an appropriate word. “Distracting?”

“I touch it too much when I’m thinking.” Yuri frowned.

Seung-gil hesitated and then asked the question that Yuri knew was coming. “So, what is on your belly?”

Yuri was quiet for several moments while he gathered his thoughts, still stroking the scar on his belly.

“My mom… My mom has schizophrenia. She tried to kill me when I was five. She thought I was some kind of monster or something. I don’t think she actually hates me. I think she just gets confused sometimes.” Yuri pulled up his shirt to show Seung-gil his belly.

The scar covered most of his lower abdomen, curving around his belly button, and rose into a vertical line on his right side. It was thick and knotted, sticking up from the soft skin around it. The marks from where it was stitched together were just as visible and framed the main part of the scar at perfect intervals.

“I really shouldn’t have survived. The doctors said it was a miracle. But that’s why I...” Yuri choked on his words and sighed them away. “I’m too drunk for this.”

“Oh, no. You have to tell me now. You started this bullshit and now you have to finish it.”

Seung-gil and Yuri stared at each other for a few moments until Yuri finally broke down. “Fine! I have to prove that I deserve to be alive.”

“That’s…” Seung-gil swallowed and stared right into Yuri’s eyes. “You don’t have to prove you are worth anything.” His voice was soft. “You prove that just by breathing.”

Yuri stared right back at Seung-gil. It felt like Yuri was looking through him, deep into his soul. “I’ve had to fight so hard for everything I have that I don’t think breathing is enough anymore.”

Seung-gil swallowed again. “I have no idea what to say to that." And that was true. Seung-gil had to fight for everything too and once someone got used to that, there was no way they would ever be able to just stop.

“There’s nothing to say. It just fucking _is_.” Yuri looked around the room for a way to change the subject and it seemed he couldn’t find anything else because the next thing he said was: “Do you want to make out for a while?” He asked with a shrug like it was the only thing he could think of that would erase the last part of their conversation.

Laughter hit Seung-gil like a sucker punch, bubbling up out of nowhere to destroy the heavy mood that threatened to end their mostly pleasant evening. When he finally calmed down enough to answer, his answer surprised him. “No.” It seemed to surprise Yuri too. He looked hurt and Seung-gil had a moment of insanity where he vowed to never put that look on Yuri’s face again. “I’m too drunk.”

It wasn't that he didn’t want to kiss Yuri. In fact, he really, really wanted to but he had the inkling of an idea that he could, given time, have something much more with Yuri. Maybe, just maybe, and a random drunk hook up would not be a good place to start.

Yuri’s frown eased. He _had_ to be just as drunk as Seung-gil was. Finally Yuri nodded in acceptance of his excuse.

“Maybe we could snuggle? I am going to need to pass out soon.”

“Me too.” Yuri smiled a little smile, like he was keeping a secret. “I could probably do with a snuggle. Though,” Yuri’s smile turned into a dramatic scowl. “If you tell anyone I _snuggle_ I may have to cut you.”

“I will never tell.”

\---

Yuri faded in and out of sleep, just at the point between dead to the world and remembering his hangover. It was a truly wonderful place to be, warm and comfortable, and without the problems morning was expected to bring.

Small details of the night before worked their way into his mind as he came closer and closer to awareness. The memories came in bits and flashes, the feeling of Seung-gil’s hand in Yuri’s hair, how painfully honest he was for almost no reason, exactly how much they drank.

Yuri held himself as still as possible and let himself drift. He knew that as soon as he moved, the hangover would hit him full force and he wanted to put that off as long as possible. Besides, he was comfortable exactly where he was.

Seung-gil was still asleep, sprawled out, with his cheek on Yuri’s chest. He was snoring lightly. Tiny little snuffling noises that broke off as he scrunched up his nose.

It was fucking adorable.

The last thing Yuri expected was to find Seung-gil adorable. But, really, he was just too fucking cute. And comfortable.

As gently as he could, Yuri reached over and smoothed a lock of hair out of Seung-gil’s eyes. It was much softer than Yuri thought it would be and he couldn’t keep his hands out of it. Before he realized it, he was petting Seung-gil’s head. He ran his fingers through Seung-gil’s hair and scratched lightly at the back of his neck.

Then, Yuri moved on to his ear. It was warm and perfectly curved down to his jawline. Yuri’s fingers wandered aimlessly over Seung-gil’s face, mindlessly mapping the details of his baby fine skin. His fingers brushed gently over Seung-gil’s eyelids and down the side of his nose.

Yuri could get lost in this, in him, forever.

It had been way too fucking long. Sure, he was subjected to Georgi’s ‘hugs to keep the crazy away’ every other week but this was something else completely.

Seung-gil smelled so good. Well, once he got passed the Vodka. Not that Yuri smelled much better. There’d be time for a shower later, after he was done ignoring his hangover.

He should _really_ do something about that. Eh, it could wait a while.

Yuri’s hand wandered down Seung-gil’s neck to the top of his shoulder. His muscles were relaxed and pliable, completely hiding the strength that Yuri knew was underneath. As Yuri continued up Seung-gil’s arm, he noticed that Seung-gil’s elbow jutted out sharply under his long sleeve t-shirt. The knob of his wrist must have magical powers because Yuri could not stop running the tip of his finger around it. Seung-gil’s hands were slightly cold in the morning air, and as Yuri traced the veins, Seung-gil finally started to wake.

Seung-gil scrunched up his nose again, and with a final snuffle, cracked an eye open. Just the one.

Yuri smiled down at him. Everything about the way Seung-gil woke up was fucking adorable and Yuri would be annoyed if he weren't so into it.

Seung-gil smiled back at Yuri for a moment but after a few seconds, he pulled back. It was like watching clouds roll over the sun. Seung-gil’s body tensed and his open expression closed off and deepened into a frown. Yuri was confused at his reaction. Did he overstep himself in some way?

Everything was going so well and now Seung-gil was acting like this. It was like Seung-gil was going to be punished for what he had done.

Oh.

“Nothing happened,” Yuri whispered. “We talked and fell asleep. As friends.”

Seung-gil nodded and visibly relaxed. Yuri could see him slowly processing the night before. He eased off of Yuri to lay next to him, still trying to blink sleep out of his eyes.

His hair was sticking up on one side and his face had wrinkles in it from Yuri’s shirt. If Seung-gil needed them to be friends, Yuri thought desperately, then friends they would be. Anything to have this again.

“I’m going to get some water and pills from my bag. Then, I’m going back to sleep.” Seung-gil nodded again, just accepting what was going on.

Too fucking cute.

“It’s still early and we have plenty of time for more sleep.”

Seung-gil grunted something close to a yes and then winced. Yuri would have laughed at him if he had the energy.

Hangovers fucking sucked.


	2. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seung-gil figures things out.

Freedom left bitter taste.

It had been two weeks since Seung-gil walked away from everything he had ever known. His father’s words were still ringing in his ears. “You will not survive on your own and I will do everything in my power to prove it to you.” 

Seung-gil knew it wasn’t an idle threat. He was rejected from every job he had applied for in Seoul. No one in the city was willing to give him a place to stay. Even the hotels insisted he move on after a night or two. 

Seung-gil randomly boarded a train headed out to the countryside. He figured that the further away he got from his father, the less influence he would have on Seung-gil’s choices. He rode the train as long as he was able, until the strain of sitting still outweighed the need to keep moving forward. 

He was charmed by his first look at the small town. It had a cozy lived in feel that larger cities gave up in favor of modernization and population. The sidewalks were made of rough laid brick and every so often nature reclaimed parts of the walkway with a tree or a bush. There was one main road up the middle that looked like it held everything important for the people who lived there. The train station was next to the food store and the post office. In the distance he could see a few other small businesses that catered to specific needs. Best of all, at the very edge of town, was an ice rink.

Seung-gil was drawn directly to the skating rink. He didn’t even think about finding a place to sleep or what he would do with the rest of his night. The pull of the ice was too strong. He left home to skate and this was the first time he had come close to his goal since he walked out of his father’s house. 

The ice rink was an old blocky building painted grey. The only decoration on the side was the word ice written ten feet tall. Seung-gil relaxed as soon as he opened the door. The unique sounds and smells of his life's passion hit him full on in the face, drawing him forward, welcoming him home. 

Seung-gil went to the counter to ask the price for an hour but was distracted by a help wanted sign. “What do you need help with?” He knew he needed some kind of job and after having a nightmare about serving fried potato, he tried to think of something else, anything else he could do. But working at an ice rink? That could be perfect. 

The woman behind the counter stared at him, assessing him. Wrinkles lined her face but she stood tall, despite her obvious age. Her eyes were breathtaking, sharp and clear, bright with intelligence.  When she spoke, her voice was strong. “I need help with a little of everything. I’m old.” 

Her statement made Seung-gil snort. She was so direct and he liked her already. “If I don’t find someone to help me this place will have to close. Part time workers only get me so far.” Seung-gil mirrored her frown. Any ice rink going out of business was a tragedy. 

The woman looked at him again and then at the bags he was awkwardly carrying. She nodded to herself. “Can you teach?”

Seung-gil shrugged. Now was as good a time as any to be interviewed for a job. “I have never taught a class by myself but I helped out for years at my last rink.” 

She nodded again. “You will have to learn to work the counter and take care of the rentals.” Seung-gil smiled at her and nodded. Those tasks couldn’t be much different than his last rink. “Then when we close you would need to clean up the building and take care of the ice.” 

“If I don’t already know how to do it, I can learn.” 

This made the woman smile broadly, taking years off her face. “I think I like you. You will call me 'Grandma.' Now, if you are going to do all that for me, what do you want?”

“I want to skate.” Really, that’s the only thing he wanted. “After hours would be perfect, as much time as you are willing to give me.” 

“Are you sure that’s it?” She eyed his bags thoughtfully. “Do you have a place to stay?” 

Seung-gil blushed deeply. Things were finally moving in his direction but everything was going so fast that he was doing everything backward.

Grandma kept talking over his blush, correctly assuming he didn’t have anywhere to go. “There are overnight rooms upstairs. I live in one of them and you can use one of the others.” 

“That would be fantastic, ma’am.” Seung-gil felt his shoulders relax even more. Grandma seemed almost too good to be true.

Grandma’s face split into a smile again. “Thank you Seung-gil, I think this will work out well.” 

It took a moment to realize that Seung-gil had never given her his name and when it sunk in he looked up in shock. Grandma had a gentle look on her face even as her lips twitched in amusement. “Please child, I’m old, not stupid. I know exactly who you are and someday I’ll find out why exactly you are here. But right now,” she laughed like she couldn't hold it back anymore, “I’m going to count my blessings and move on.”

Perhaps freedom wasn’t so bitter after all.

\--- 

The room Grandma led Seung-gil to was shockingly small. There were walk in closets larger than this room. His was. Had been. 

Grandma smiled knowingly at Seung-gil but didn’t say anything about his shock. If she wasn’t going to bring it up, neither was he. “Take a few minutes to settle in and then come by my room. I’m sure I have some things to get you set up.” And with that, she was gone.

The room was set up much like a hotel room. A door directly to the left led to the smallest bathroom ever constructed. Along the adjoining wall there was a patch of counter with a sink and hotplate. The rest of the room was filled with one large unit that served as a desk, bed, and dresser. 

Seung-gil was amazed at the ingenuity that went into the design and he was thankful for it. But at the same time, he never realized that such a thing would ever be needed. That he would need something like that. 

The twin size bed didn’t have sheets. Seung-gil felt a bloom of panic in his chest. He didn’t know where to go to buy sheets and he realized just how far out of his depth he was. Sure, he had some money saved up, from ice shows and his mother’s mother, but that wouldn’t do any good if he didn’t know where to  _ go  _ to spend it. 

He wanted to save as much of the money as he could as skating was an expensive sport. He lost almost all of his sponsors when he walked away from home and the ones he had left would not cover his upcoming season. The thought of scraping every penny made him think of Yuri. If Yuri could do it, Seung-gil could. He had to.

Seung-gil smiled. His rapid shift in perspective gave him a new appreciation for Yuri. He had understood Yuri’s struggles, intellectually, but had never felt the pinch of need. And now, now he did.

He wanted to call Yuri and tell him everything. About how he spent two weeks drifting around, trying to find a place to go. About meeting Grandma and how hopeful he was for the future. How much better he understood Yuri now. He had Yuri’s number up on his phone and he was ready to go but he hesitated.

He had a new phone and was far away from his father but still, he couldn’t bring himself to dial Yuri’s number. Years of fear and keeping secrets weighed on him. He didn't think his father would interfere, this far away, but Seung-gil couldn’t risk it. If anything happened to Yuri because of him or his family, he would never forgive himself. 

A text would be better. A short text giving only the base facts that would not harm either of them if it got back to Seung-gil’s father. “Will continue to skate.” He stared down at the words and figured they would be good enough. It was the most important thing he had to say.

With the text sent he decided to do as Grandma said and settle into the room. He couldn’t bring himself to think of it as an apartment even if it would eventually become home. Most of the clothing he had was dirty so he left it in a bag on the floor. He added where and how to do laundry to his growing mental list. His clean clothing and toiletries were sorted quickly and that only left his skating bag and laptop. He pushed his bag under the desk and set his laptop on top. 

Seung-gil looked around the room again and realized how little he had. He couldn’t even go to sleep because he didn’t have sheets. Hysterical laughter bubbled up out of him.  _ He didn’t have sheets. _

His laughter, and panic, was cut short by the chime on his phone. Yuri had replied to his text much faster than Seung-gil expected. “Thank fuck for that. Where are you.” 

“At a rink. Found a place to be.” He replied. He knew he was being vague but he didn’t want to give away too many details just in case.

Seung-gil watched the three dots of Yuri typing pop up and disappear several times before Yuri finally decided on something to say. “It’s been two weeks and that’s all I get? Bastard.” This brought a smile to Seung-gil’s face. Yuri was so very endearingly rude. 

The message that followed a moment later made Seung-gil’s heart leap. “Are you ok?” Yuri cared about him.

“I am ok.” With a blush, Seung-gil pocketed his phone. Yuri had already run him out of words and he was afraid he would embarrass himself if he continued the conversation. He looked around the room again and then went in search of Grandma to see what she meant by “getting him set up”. 

\---

Getting ‘set up’ by Grandma turned out to be the best part of Seung-gil’s day, in a day already full of great things. She greeted Seung-gil with another one of her blinding smiles and a quick poke to the gut. “You need to eat more.” She announced. Her voice was full of steel, used to being obeyed, but still full of warmth. Seung-gil opened his mouth to protest that he was, in fact, a good weight for a skater. 

Before he could get a word out she cut him off with an eye roll. “I know you are a skater but you are a young man and young men need to eat.” She waved her arm behind her. “Go sit and wait.”

Seung-gil moved quickly to obey her, still unsure of his welcome. Grandma started to sing quietly to herself and Seung-gil let it wash over him as he looked around him with interest. Her room was on the opposite side of the apartment block from Seung-gil’s. It was twice as large as his, explaining why there were three doors to one side of the hall and only two on the other. She had a dining area and a comfortable looking sofa set up in the open space. Her bed was tucked away behind a half wall.

The walls were a riot of color, as far as he could tell, with bright reds and yellows popping up through varying shades of grey. Knick-knacks were scattered around like hidden treasures, catching his eye as he scanned the room. The whole place had a homey, lived in feel to it, so different from the cold halls he grew up in. 

Seung-gil could be happy in a place like this.

“I’ve written up a schedule for you. Why don’t you look it over while I rummage through the closet.” A sheet of paper and a bowl of food landed in front of Seung-gil. “Eat and tell me what you think of it.”

Simple tasks. He felt like he was being handled and after a moments thought, decided he liked it. After another moments thought he realized he wasn’t being handled, he was being  _ cared for _ .

Seung-gil had known this woman for two hours and she had already made him feel more welcome than his parents had. Some kind of emotion that he couldn’t name welled up in his chest. It was somewhere between sorrow and gratitude. Seung-gil didn’t know what to do with his feelings so he took a bite of food to give himself something else to concentrate on.

“This is very good, ma’am.” Respectful politeness was always a good thing to fall back on.

Grandma huffed from where she was buried in the closet. “My name’s Grandma and I already know the food is good. I was asking about the schedule.”

“Yes, ma-” She glared at him. “Grandma.”

Seung-gil looked over the schedule while he finished his plate. It looked manageable. He was listed for ‘personal training time’ every morning. The afternoons were filled with classes ranging from ‘the babies’ to ‘adults having fun’. He was expected to work at the front counter in between classes and during the free skate time before closing. Finally, dinner was followed by ‘clean stuff’ and ‘Skate!’. There was plenty of free time in the schedule too, not that Seung-gil had any idea what he would do with it. The only thing that didn’t make sense to him was the slot on Saturday evening that was labeled ‘dance’ with a large chunk of free time directly after. 

“This looks manageable.” Seung-gil caught himself just before he said ma’am but it still hung at the end of the sentence. “What is ‘dance’?”

Grandma backed out of the closet, dragging a box behind her. “That is purely selfish.” She laughed to herself and flashed him another of her blinding smiles. “The bar holds a dance every week with a different theme and type of dance. There are instructors to teach us and all kinds of people come. Usually the old people leave and the kids stay to drink. It’s rather popular.” 

She pushed her box over next to Seung-gil and walked into the kitchen area. Seung-gil cold hear her making tea as she continued to giggle at herself and talk. “I know you can dance and really, what old lady doesn’t want to show up to something like that with arm candy like you.” 

Seung-gil choked on nothing and blushed to the tips of his ears. He appreciated people being blunt but Grandma took it to a new level. She cackled wildly at the shock on his face. “I told you I was being selfish. Now, if you’re finished eating, take your box and go home.”

Grandma kicked the box on her way to the table. “It’s got towels and sheets in it. Anything I could think of you needed. Let me know if I forgot anything?” Seung-gil nodded his understanding. “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow after your run.”

\---

Yuri was curled up on the sofa in his apartment waiting for Georgi to show up. It was movie and pizza night, something that happened every two weeks, just the two of them. Georgi insisted they spend time together venting to each other and talking about other asinine things. 

When Yuri as younger Georgi insisted on hugging him regularly even if he did protest. Not that it was anything more than a token protest anyway. No one in Yuri’s life held him just to hold him before Georgi started and Yuri appreciated it every time.

Now that Yuri had grown out of his awkward teen need to protest everything, Yuri would plaster himself against Georgi as soon as he showed up. Though, Yuri only allowed this when they were alone. He would die of embarrassment if anyone found out and his image was ruined in such a way. 

Fierce and terrifying ice tigers did not  _ snuggle. _

Except when they did.

Yuri still had a half an hour until Georgi would be there and he was using his time to try to puzzle out Seung-gil’s most recent text. It said, in its entirety, ‘Costume red?’. Over the last few weeks, since Worlds and their drunken evening, Yuri had learned that texting with Seung-gil was an adventure in solving puzzles and intuitive thinking.

He would get nothing but cat and dog memes for three days straight followed a day of silence. Seung-gil seemed to communicate in mostly sentence fragments, when he used words at all, except for when Yuri would wake up to find a novel length dissertation on the new jump Seung-gil was working on. There was no rhyme or reason to the way Seung-gil communicated. At least, none that Yuri could figure. 

Back to ‘Costume red?’. Clearly it was a question but was Seung-gil asking if his costume should be red or if Yuri's would be red?

Yuri sighed and began the game of twenty questions. “Who’s costume” He texted. Seung-gil was usually free around this time so he expected a quick reply.

Seung-gil did not disappoint him. “Mine”

A blush rose to Yuri’s cheeks when he thought about that. Seung-gil knew Yuri’s favorite color was red and he looked so very good in it. Was that on purpose or was it just a coincidence? 

Yuri’s realistic side took over and decided there was no way Seung-gil would wear red just for him. “What will the costume look like?”

“Suit vest. Tie. Red shirt.” 

“Like when you did The Dance of the Dead Princess? That will look amazing.” Yuri blushed even harder. Seung-gil looked  _ good _ in that costume.

“Ye” That was the only answer Yuri was going to get. He rolled his eyes and threw his phone on the sofa next to him. 

He didn’t have long to wait before Georgi showed up with a pizza and what was sure to be a sappy romcom. 

Georgi sat down on the sofa next to Yuri and got himself a slice of pizza without saying anything. It was unusual. Georgi usually started talking and making over dramatic gestures as soon as he was through the door.

Whatever.

Yuri shrugged and got himself a piece of pizza. Georgi would talk eventually. 

After they were finished eating, Yuri scooted over on the sofa to lean against Georgi’s side. He was fidgety and kept sighing.

Ten minutes later, Yuri had enough. He sat up and paused the movie. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I met someone.” Yuri braced himself for a Georgi style explosion of deep devotion and tears. All Georgi did was blush. 

When Yuri grunted in surprise, Georgi blushed harder. “So?” Yuri drug out the word and waited for him to go on. He had a moment of disconnect. It was so much like talking to Seung-gil that Yuri decided to use that strategy and wait him out.

“Well, her name is Danica. It was Thursday. I always thought Thursdays were supposed to be bad but now I’m not so convinced.” and Georgi looked shifty. He had it bad.

Yuri pursed his lips and waited.

“Anyway, I had to run into the store for something and I ran right into her. In the doorway. She dropped everything she was holding so I stopped to help her pick it up and it was glue.”

“Glue?” Of all the cliche bullshit that could ever happen, of course it happened to Georgi.

“Yes, glue. I have never seen so much glue in all my life. It was the white kind that kids use?” After Yuri nodded his understanding, Georgi went on. “Of course, being me, I blurted out the first thing on my mind, rather than, you know, being human and apologizing.”

Yuri snorted in amusement. Yes, of course he did. Poor Gosha. “What did you say to this poor woman?”

And Georgi giggled. Honest to god fucking giggled. “‘Should I be worried about the future of Russia?’ and then she got this look on her face, kinda mean, very Lilia, and said ‘Only if they fail the project.’”

“Smooth.” Yuri couldn’t help but laughing at him. Georgi hid his face in his hands and groaned.

“It was bad. Turns out she’s a teacher and her class is working on some big project.” Georgi blushed again, this time to the top of his ears. “I  _ really _ like her. And the best part? She has no idea who I am. She doesn’t follow skating at all.”

Yuri heard the unspoken part of that. She didn’t know who Victor was. She didn’t know how Victor over shadowed Georgi in everything the public cared about. “That has to be refreshing.”

“More than you will ever know. At least you are in the next generation.” They both sighed at that. There was nothing they could do about it but stand in his shadow and Victor cast a long shadow.

“So what about you?” Georgi said with a light tone, trying to ease the mood. 

“I already told you like someone.” Yuri scowled. Georgi would just not leave him the fuck alone about it.

“Yes, but, details. I need details.” Georgi said in a sing song voice. He was definitely teasing now.

“Fuck you Gosha. Put the movie back on.” Yuri flopped his head down on Georgi’s lap and fought in vain to ignore the blush creeping up his face. He would die before he admitted he was pining after Seung-gil. 

He worked so hard to ignore his thoughts that he fell asleep. When he woke up, it was morning and Georgi was long gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still alive! Slow, but still here.
> 
> Thank you all for reading. Have a beautiful day. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you have a beautiful day. <3


End file.
